Dealing With Sexual Addiction


Sexual addiction is defined as a sexual disorder wherein a person engages in persistent and escalating patterns of sexual behaviors despite increasing negative consequences to self and others. The sexually addicted person loses the ability to control sexual behaviors and instead indulges sexual fantasies and a near constant search for a sexual “fix”. It is a serious condition that interferes with the person’s social and marital life, deteriorating not only the life of the sexual addict but also the lives of the people around him or her. The good news is that it doesn’t have to be this way for the addict or those that love him or her. Recovery is possible and when the process is followed addicts can be predicted to recover. Trust can be placed in such a process when trusting in the words of the addict is no longer possible. People can and do get and stay sexually sober as long as they do the things they need to do so that they don’t do the things they don’t need to do. It’s that simple but not all that easy.

Recovery takes time and hard work but with guidance and a supporting environment, restoration of the sex addict’s physical, emotional, spiritual, financial, and sexual life eventually takes place. Professional treatment is highly recommended as sexual addiction is a complicated and complex problem that demands experts in the field; but ultimately, the realization and acceptance of the disorder must come first from the sex addict. Sexually compulsive persons are often aware that there is a problem but usually feel helpless to change until the consequences of their behaviors have started to doom their lives.

A lot of avenues are available not only for the sex addict but also for his or her spouse, family, and friends, in healing the sexual addiction and starting to regain control and self-esteem. Recovery includes rebuilding trust and relationships destroyed by this serious disorder. Psychotherapy is high on the list of recommendations and finding someone who truly specializes and understands this problem is critical. Most sex addicts are unlikely to share their “secret lives” with someone they don’t trust and who “might not understand.” It is thus very important to find the right therapist that the sex addict can connect with and who understands the complex issues of recovery from sexual compulsivity. Other recommendations include attending a 12-step recovery group like Sex Addicts Anonymous, “working the steps” with a sponsor, and building a community of people in recovery. Entering a sex addiction recovery therapy group is also a big help. Medications may also be indicated to manage symptoms of depression, anxiety, or even Bipolar or Attention Deficit Disorders.

Regardless of the method taken, the first and most important step in dealing with sexual addiction is the admission of the problem. Only when the individual realizes that his or her sexual behavior patterns pose a problem and that something must change will the healing process start. Until the behavior stops, nothing changes. Understanding the conditions giving rise to the sexually compulsive behaviors comes after admitting that the problem exists and the acceptance that the individual is truly out of control. It is only then that the recovery and healing process through the help of the methods mentioned above can begin.

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Understanding Sexual Addiction

The desire to engage in sexual acts is a natural and normal human drive. When sexual fantasy and behavior becomes an obsession, that natural and normal drive becomes a pattern of out of control sexual behaviors that is referred to as sexual addiction. Also known as phenomenon in which individuals report being unable to manage their sexual behaviors and fantasies. It is a serious condition that often consumes the addicts self esteem, destroys marriages and partnerships, and leaves a trail of tears and destruction in its wake.

The desire to engage in sexual acts is a natural and normal human drive. When sexual fantasy and behavior becomes an obsession, that natural and normal drive becomes a pattern of out of control sexual behaviors that is referred to as sexual addiction. Also known as sexual dependency or sexual compulsivity, sexual addiction refers to the phenomenon in which individuals report being unable to manage their sexual behaviors and fantasies. It is a serious condition that often consumes the addicts self esteem, destroys marriages and partnerships, and leaves a trail of tears and destruction in its wake.

But how does one know when his or her sexual behaviors are normal and when healthy sexuality has become an unhealthy addiction? Counselors and therapists usually employ sexual addiction questionnaires and various kinds of tests to determine objectively the probability of sexual addiction. Ultimately however, the answer and realization must come from the individual. Three basic indicators of sexual addiction are compulsivity, continuation despite consequences, and obsession. Compulsivity is the loss of the ability to choose freely whether to stop or continue a sexual behavior. Addicts risk money, marriage, family, and career in order to satisfy their sexual desires and despite these consequences, they continue indulging the sexual fantasy and seeking a sexual “fix.” The use of sex as a “fix” forms into a habit so obsessive that the addict continues despite the tremendous shame that comes from living a secret life outside of long held morals and values.

Unfortunately, individuals are often unwilling to accept that their behaviors and fantasies have crossed a line from what our culture supports as a normal and healthy libido to an all consuming preoccupation. They may persist in their denial and distorted thinking until the damage to their marriages, families, and relationships is too great to repair. Jeffrey Schultz, a counselor in the Sonoran Healing Center in Phoenix, Arizona who specializes in the treatment of compulsive sexual behaviors, recounts that a client who had nearly taken his life did not even see his abnormal sexual behaviors as issues until his relationship with family and friends were shattered. This is the sad situation for most sex addicts.

Different factors cause sexual addiction and it is more likely a build up of conditions over time. It may be early sexualization or early exposure of an individual to inappropriate sexual material or behavior or traumatic experiences during childhood such as physical and/or sexual abuse, abandonment, or emotional trauma.

The consequences of sexual addiction are serious and alarming. Since it is progressive in nature, the need for a sexual “fix” increases, and the person’s behavior becomes motivated solely by the persistent desire to experience the sexual act. The need for more intense stimulation leads into more explicit, intensity seeking and risk taking in the sexual behavior, which eventually interferes with the person’s social or marital life, deteriorating not only the life of the sexual addict but also the lives of the people around him/her. This is aside from the shame attached to the sexual addict, who could be a friend or a loved one carrying his condition in secret for the fear of rejection. So, what should be done? Understanding sexual addiction and getting help are the first steps that the sex addict and his family must take to begin the healing process. Various therapists and counselors offer professional treatment for sexual addiction with a great deal of anonymity. Professional help is highly recommended to assist the individual and loved ones to recognize and understand sexual addiction and to begin accepting responsibility for their healing. Support and encouragement from 12 step groups and a recovery community, group therapy, and even family and friends all contribute to the treatment of the sex addict and assist the healing process.

Change Perspectives About Sex

Earth is so old. God made the sun, earth, the moon, and other planets. That´s what many of us believe. Now no one knows if that is the truth. Now this can also be denied by many anti-religious people. But something has made this world? Now lets take it to be God himself. Now God made everything that exists in world today. When it comes to evolution of the human race, we know talks are going to crop up about Adam and Eve.

Adam was the supposed first male of the world and Eve was first female. Now God knew that a male alone couldn’t continue to race. So just like he made a female side to all the animals, he made a female side to human also in the form of Eve. Sex then became the most important activity. This is because if there was no sex, there would be no human race. As sex increased, humans increased. This is the reason why sex SHOULD be given a lot of importance.

Today, there are many countries in the world where sex is considered as a taboo. I am from a very different kind of a family. I was born to an Indian lady and a Scottish man. This is perhaps the reason why I have an open and broad mind about sex. If I were born to an Indian couple, then I would be considering sex as a taboo like so many other Indians. Why is it that in developing countries sex is not given the importance and the openness it needs and deserves? Why is it that the inhabitants of these countries have forgotten the basic lessons of evolution of human race? Is it so shameful?

Now I don’t know so much about other developing countries apart from India. Now this stay in India, I have learned that pre-marital sex is supposedly obscene and a taboo in itself. If a girl loves a boy, all efforts are made to separate them, at least in most cases. But yes, its true, even India is trying to adopt the western culture. What they don’t understand is the way of clothing, the cosmetics, their skin color, and such things are not what they should be picking up from the western culture. They open-mindedness is what is required. The orthodoxy is what has to vanish and banish. But it will take another 62 years for that to happen, or may be even more. No one is going to go to each of the small village in India and tell them to speak freely about sex, to be actively involved in it. I mean why be against sex, where as Hindu religion (predominant religion in India) is the only religion with a complete BOOK on sex? Its the only religion where God is shown active in sexual activity (Lord Krishna in Kamasutra). Now when you believe so much in God, shouldn’t you also believe in everything related to the same God?

Sometimes I don’t quite understand now I cant help that. But now that I am staying in India, the girl I am in love with is an Indian. Now I was always worried about the possible differences we might have had in our mentalities. But I am lucky and I must say that the generation today even in a country like India is making efforts to understand sex. A person who is actively involved in SAFE sex is a hero in himself. He shouldn’t be looked at as a criminal.

Why is it that sex is seen as a taboo? This is because surely somewhere sexual activity might have been used in non-acceptable manner. This is the reason that when it might have happened in an uncontrollable account, sex was made into a taboo. I really hate those men who have to take advantage of their physical ability to force a lady into some sort of sexual activity. Sex is not something to be hurtful and forced. It is something both a man and lady is supposed to enjoy. They should be able to compliment each other in sex.

A couple that is healthy in their sexual activity, is a healthy and wise couple. Sex has changed over the past centuries. With time everything changes. Earlier, oral sex was not that famous, but when a religious script like Kamasutra have oral sex pictures and paintings, there is no harm in actually having it now in the sex dictionary. But personal hygiene and health is a must. You cannot be personally unhygienic and spread you bad hygiene to the person you are getting sexually involved with.

Now some might say after being with the same partner for long might turn sex into the most boring thing in life. But this is sadly not the truth. Just like sex has changed in itself so much since the past centuries, we can blindly accept that so many changes have been caused, that means so many modifications have been made, that means there are so many things that can be done differently, that further means that its a vast subject, which no one ever bothers to research apart from sex experts. This is exactly why sex experts make such a posh living. Because everyone wants to have a non-boring sex life, so in stead of researching on their own they take help from the sex experts. Well there is nothing wrong in it. I myself am in favor of this. The margin of mistakes and risks are lower in taking help from a sex expert.

What am I trying to say in this who writing here? I am just trying to talk freely about sex. Because if a person has to be good at sex, he has to be able to talk about it freely to the world. This is just my try to be good at sex. This is just something I learned from a sex expert. Talking. Talking about the subject sex, itself gives you the interest and enthusiasm to have a better sex life with your partner. My next article is going to be the various beliefs about sex that people have in mind, mainly ´SIZE MATTERS´ notion. For now I can only say, don’t be ashamed of talking about sex, don’t be ashamed of having sex, be a LOYAL and SAFE sexually active person.

A good sex life will reflect in your day to day activity. The night you make love to your wife/husband or girlfriend/boyfriend, the next morning you are happier than the morning before. The key to keep the lock called love open and alive for many more years to come is Sex. Use this key well and healthy and decently and legally and you will see how smooth your relationship with your partner goes on.